


i find you in the silver of the moon

by seesawthefourth



Series: epigraph [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28657614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seesawthefourth/pseuds/seesawthefourth
Summary: kihyun starts his life with yoongi in seoul, but they're still not even near what they were before.
Relationships: Min Yoongi | Suga/Yoo Kihyun
Series: epigraph [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1094451
Kudos: 2





	i find you in the silver of the moon

**Author's Note:**

> um i had this in my works for a year now. i wanted to post it but kept procrastinating and hoping that maybe i'll edit it but-  
> it's here
> 
> ps. you might want to read the first two parts of this in the series before reading this.

the room is dark when he wakes up, his head resting on the novel he had been reading before sleep had overcame him. a quilt is thrown over him, rumpled and one side pooling near his feet. he takes in the darkness, before a soft scratching reaches his ears and pulls him into focus.

there's a thin stripe of light filtering in through the door and though it's dim he moves towards it. his naked toes make contact a turned off lamp and stabilizes to catch it from dropping, swallowing down a hiss to pull open the door.

holly's there, looking like he was going to scratch the door again, looking up at him with dark beady eyes. he moves closer to him. "is everything alright, holly?". 

he's a small lump of brown on the floor and kihyun couches to scratch him behind his ear, the toy poodle letting him do it until he looses interest and pads away. kihyun watches him, confused because holly had been scratching at the door to get somebody and once -

the poodle lolls his head back to look at him still crouched on the floor, staring for a few seconds before moving away. kihyun blinks and follows him, being careful to not make much sound in the apartment.

who knows what the dog is trying to tell him.

the short hallway opens to the kitchen and living room, mashed into one with a round table placed strategically in the centre of the open area. he's asleep on the wooden table, his head resting on his splayed arms and the laptop humming faint music, attached to the headphones the other is wearing.

kihyun had left the area with yoongi working on his tracks, and finding him asleep during his work is a bit alarming. but then kihyun isn't the one to talk about especially when holly had potentially saved him from awkward back and aching neck.

"you want me to put him to bed?". he whispers, turning back to holly who seems to give him a stare which strangely seems to say that yes, i woke you up to do exactly that small human. it's strangely human like and yet like the yoongi he knew. he's somewhat sure now that yoongi had changed but many of his habits remained wrapped around the artifical feel of the city. "aw you were worried about him". he cooes.

he doesn't know anything about holly but the few days he had spent in the city he had decided that everything had to be refered as before yoongi left and after yoongi left and holly had came into the other's life after he had left. when? he didn't know but sometimes wondered. the toy poodle was unexpectedly friendly with kihyun since the start, climbing into his lap after he was bored with yoongi's belly rub or barking at him. he was used to angry barks before he had met holly and now couldn't fathom the angry black rottweiler prowling to map his very move. 

he smiles at the dog. "don't worry". holly huffs and kihyun stifles a laugh as he walks away. 

he turns to his sleeping owner then, watching him sleep for a minute or two as he thinks of ways to wake him up without much difficulty. he doesn't know if min yoongi is a deep sleeper or not especially when he doesn't want to frighten him awake like he sometimes did in the past. 

only type of lightening is from the hallway and it is dim enough to turn the room into a black and white movie complete with a character with pale skin and dark clothes. it also doesn't help that the apartment is decorated in modern, muted colors mostly with blacks and greys. 

he moves to turn the laptop off, being careful to save the work and closes the google tab on the screen. he doesn't want to accidently erase anything and gain yoongi's frustration in return. his fingers brush against his wrist as he pulls away, yoongi slightly shifting closer to the cooling machine in his sleep. 

kihyun prods at his shoulder, calling out to him. he isn't speaking in his usual volume and yet it seems to echo in the silent apartment. everything seems to echo in the apartment, something which kihyun can't get used to. 

he calls out a again, a little bit louder. his voice sounds weird, too high pitched to his ears. he grimances and ends up prodding the soft spot between his hips and his side, watching him attentively as the other moves in his sleep, discomfort shining in the frown pulling into his face. kihyun does the same thing again, settling into a chair to get a better angle. 

his eyes are still blurry with sleep and he manages to press his finger into his hip once or twice before yoongi wakes up. 

or looks at him, still asleep with mused hair and sharp eyes seemingly sharper. he groans and kihyun takes it as a question. 

he props his chin on the palm, his wrist resting on the table as he looks at him. "you should go sleep in your bed. your shoulders are going to kill you if you don't". 

yoongi doesn't reply, though the hum he let's out makes kihyun move. he grabs the other at the elbow, hauling him onto his feet and drags him forward, careful to not stumble and crash the both on them on the hard floor. 

he finds holly waiting for them in front of the yoongi's open bedroom door, giving him an unimpressed stare as he goes in. kihyun follows with hesitant steps, cautious of yoongi falling on top of him and murmuring in his sleep to him. he's able to stand on his feet is all kihyun's thankful about because yoongi is heavy in his hold and the angle is awkward in which he all but throws yoongi on the bed. the older gets comfortable on his own and kihyun searches for a blanket to throw him over. 

yoongi deserves the courtesy after showing to him, after all. 

"goodnight yoongi". he whispers. 

yoongi mumbles something again, something even more in audible then the last. he seems to be having quite a careful dream and so with a pat on his shoulder kihyun turns to leave and finds holly hopping over the bed and curl around his owner, content as he moves to sleep. "night to you too holly". 

holly is the only min who answers. 

kihyun closes the door behind him and makes a move to go back the guest room he had made his room for now but stops when he notices the moon peering over the buildings. the apartment is at the top of the complex, complete with a small garden of sorts in the back and yoongi had told him before entering that he had bought the place for the view. kihyun had thought that maybe the buildings were what yoongi found beautiful enough to buy an apartment for but maybe he was wrong.

maybe the silver room glimmering over the glass and steel of the buildings were what had enterened him, pulled him to buy it especially when he seemed to work late into the night to gaze at the tall moon through the glass wall covering the side of the open kitchen and lounge. 

it awfully reminds him on the lonely moon at home, that one half submerged in the sea and not clustered around man-made buildings. his heart aches. 

he's ignoring yoongi but he tries to make himself busy enough to not make himself think on why he's ignoring him. but he knows, knows in the way he leaves a little bit early after making them both breakfast to walk holly across the neighborhood and park and come late enough to ensure yoongi is not there anymore, leaving early again in the afternoon with an excuse to look for a job and coming late back to the apartment. he's essentially leaving early and coming back late, doing small tidbits to ease his mind a little. it doesn't help, not really. 

seoul is big and loud. seoul is everything he had expected and worse. that's all he thinks off now that he's here, leaving the village for a reason he wants to repent. it's stupid that he had once thought the city was everything good and better in the world, knowing that he had run in without anything concrete in his mind making him feel worse about his decision. 

he tries to forget about it, because the city in itself is a complete shift to his accustomed livelyhood. he was used to the quiet, the familiarity of knowing the people around him and the stillness of the surroundings. now all he can see is changing landscapes and people who can't get used to. every day there's someone new and unfamiliar walking across the street, the quiet bustle of the village being turned into something he can't wrap his head around. 

even now two weeks and half in his sudden move, he sits in the park people watching. there are so many, so many with cases and lifestyles so different then everyone else's - in a confining bubble of their own. holly is the only one who stays by his side during thoS times, resting near his feet or in his lap with his head buried in his sweater.

he had always loved watching people, twisting stories until they come fantasy tales of those strangers. and it fills his hours, walking holly through the streets and to the park trail. it's comforting, especially the small park surrounded by cluster trees and shrubs. 

it almost makes him forget he's in the middle of a jungle, a forest made out of towering buildings of silver and glass. yoongi had told him that everything is brick and silver and grey because his apartment is at the good side of gangnam but he tells him like he's trying to calm him. he had probably caught the look he had tried to hide under everything when they had entered the center of the jungle. 

he couldn't think, couldn't see far beyond the horizon of man made sky scrapers. he couldn't remember why he had once wished to live here. the city was a mess, with greys and blacks and barely enough privacy to make him feel suffocated. 

it was all new. 

though leaving the apartment is an excuse, kihyun does try to look for a afternoon job, checking for openings at cafés and convenience stores because they can help him hide better into its fold. he hopes that it'll help him loose the invistable force around his throat, which seems to suffocates whenever he thinks about everything at once. 

but there is a place where somehow seoul doesn't touch, a tiny shop nestled behind a convience store and run by an old japanese lady. he doesn't know how to speak japanese but once he finds it, having walked by it several times before actually noticing the weird amount of people going to the back of the store - he doesn't plan to let it go that easily. 

the shop sells everything from lolita styles to goth and even if he doesn't shop there and just goes to get the sudden weight flow a little easier, the owner allows holly in and the customers don't seem to mind the toy poodle sniffing at the merchandise. and so it becomes his regular spot - even when holly isn't with him he goes there and checks the clothes out again and again and again. the owner doesn't seem to mind his presence in the shop either especially when she has a thing for listening to stories and allowing him to stay as much as he wants in exchange for it. 

it's getting late when he finishes with a one of his stories. she had been busy with customers and when the flow had thinned away kihyun had approached her with a tale his father used to tell him. he wonders if others at the village knew the story too and if yoongi knew of it. 

there is only one window in the shop, a small one half hidden behind plants and hanging clothes. when it gets dark, the orange light from the shop filters out in thin swiggly lines outside of the pathway. they are standing outside and the air is freezing when it blows through the narrow lane. 

"how long have you been in korea?". the question is something which he had wanted to ask since the very start, having met the woman and noticing the clear seoul accent shining through. 

the old woman chuckles, and the lines on her face tightens. she looks older then she actually is, barely fifty six and looking in her seventies. she jokes that she aging faster. 

and like everything in seoul, life is fast and going and not stagnant and frozen in time like in the village. it's distorting, the contrast the old woman seems to be.

maybe, he thinks she wouldn't age if she moved to somewhere as forgotten as their village. maybe she'll stay, like an old book deteriorating and fragile and yet there. 

"too long". 

"why don't you come early tomorrow, kihyun". she contunies, not letting the words sitting on his tongue come out. "we'll talk about the job you wanted". 

" ... really?". 

her dark eyes turn mischievous. the slow wind makes the stray hair spill from her bun and sway in the soft breeze. "depends you don't like my company". 

he feels a blush grow on his face, even when the cold breeze makes him shiver. "thank you". 

she shrugs. "i'll see you tomorrow, yoo kihyun". 

holly is waiting for him when he returns, waging his tail when kihyun bends to pet him. warmth is pooling in his chest and for the first time since coming to seoul he wants to go to yoongi and tell him about the job he got himself - even if the details were still open to discussion and yoongi would probably not believe him. 

he feels better, so much better as he pulls his shoes off and trails holly to the main area. but freezes right before he can come into view of others, people he hadn't really heard until he had nearly stumbled in on them. yoongi's there laughing and other voices - two, three men? - he knows. 

kihyun turns on his heel and closes the bedroom door behind him. he turns the light on, struggling in the dark and being careful to not hit him too hard before he throws himself on the bed. 

he hadn't expected anyone but he probably should have. yoongi could bring whoever he wanted and kihyun had no say in that. it was his home, his privacy and kihyun was stepping in. but then yoongi hadn't brought anyone in the apartment in the two weeks which had followed. 

he still should've warned him though, kihyun deserved that at least. 

frowning, he turns his phone on and finds that yoongi had messaged him on the coming of the guests ages ago, the message left unread in his pocket. 

his frown deepens. 

what will he do if he gets hungry, he'll have the go through them and yoongi hadn't said anything about them and staying away from them. yoongi had though , in the stupid way he had always did just told him : some of my friends are coming. 

what was he supposed to answer to that, should he go introduce him or something? or ignore them if he ventures in on their private conversation? greet them and do his business? 

he messages yoongi, the sound of his tapping on his phone somehow sounding louder then the people in the living room. maybe he had gotten more frustrated then he had expected. 

so what should i do?  
i'm home  
what if i want some of the leftovers

the conversion outside doesn't stop but yoongi messages almost immediately. 

i'm ordering chicken

kihyun feels his frown deepen. but i want to eat the leftovers too. 

kihyun watches the message turn to read, and the conversation turn to typing... but when nothing happens and the conversation outside slows a bit, noticing yoongi excusing himself, he throws himself down.

his hair had gotten longer, obscuring his eyes when with a near silent knock, yoongi pokes his head in and seeing kihyun laying there, half dead - he smiles and its that smile which made fondness creep in his heart. 

now it only makes him exhale and raise his eyebrow. 

the door closes silently behind him, holly suddenly throwing himself in a mad dash through the door and eliciting yoongi to pull away with a " tch holly", and climbing on the bed. the bed is low enough for holly to slip in and butt his head against his curled arm. 

kihyun rubs holly under his ear, starring ath the fluffy ball of a mammal knowing that yoongi was still in the room, watching him steal his pet away from him with nothing but his entrance. he forces himself not to smile, but still his lips curl. 

"he seems to adore you". yoongi says. the silence is thick and even if he tries to slice it away kihyun had spent far too long to make sure that yoongi wouldn't be able to do exactly that. the time at his old home had been enough for that, especially when he remembered it brought shivers to crawl up his spine. "he doesn't really warm up to anyone that quickly". 

kihyun hums.

yoongi stays still uncertainly, hovering over by the door like it isn't his home and his guest room kihyun isn't residing in. maybe kihyun's too used to people making their properties known but yoongi been one of them in his life once. 

a unshakable presence over all his bed, his clothes and his books - in the street where their school was and yoongi had painted the front blue with the permission of their principal, the paint peeling ; the smile his mother gave to him when they met in the street and she invited him to lunch. 

he had been everywhere, like his parents who hovered over his doorway and the neighbor who was far too old to keep looking like that at him and his classmates who played with his phone when he wasn't there. 

and now - "are you close with them?". 

yoongi stares at him, trying to read his expression. holly buries himself further in his hand and kihyun carefully keeps his expression blank. 

he doesn't even know why he said it. of course if they at yoongi's apartment, it means they are good enough friends. "yeah". he finally says. "do you want to meet them?". 

he shakes his head. "they are your friends". 

"they know of you". yoongi tells him in a placating manner, like he wants to pull kihyun outside and introduce him into his friendly fold. but after he says it a beat of silence passes and yoongi looks like he regrets it.

in the end, he tries to cover it up and joking and the words seem hollow and kihyun had already latched on to let it go that easily. "and what's wrong with being in a mutual friend group?". 

he should if he said something crude about it. the thought makes his eyebrows furrow. "they know of me?". 

he sighs. 

"yeah". yoongi looks around and finally settles on the swirly chair pushed beside the desk, probably the set being used as his office before kihyun had came into his life. kihyun swallows. "you know, childhood friends and... other things". 

"you leaving the village, you mean". 

he ducks his head, and his hair falls to hide his expression from him. it makes frustration to bubble. yoongi shouldn't be shying away from the fact, it had happened and yet if it made his stomach churn, it was history. their history and kihyun definitely didn't want him to ignore that, when that thing had shaped their lives.

"yeah". 

"yoongi i-". the words feel thick in his mouth, clogging his throat but he has to say something. 

otherwise he fears he'll stay stuck, seeing yoongi everywhere and being haunted by a mistake he could've ignored. 

he could've have left years ago, put yoongi past him and never see him in congested city like seoul. but here he was, holding demons which were bigger then yoongi and holding him too close to blaming. 

he was to blame in some regards but not all, circumstances had left kihyun there especially when his rock vanishing into thin air.

he cleared his throat, watching yoongi look at him. his expression was blank, but kihyun could feel yoongiwaiting for him to speak, his eyes imploring and a bit unnerving. 

"i want to move on. i feel like i have you used you for far too long to centre everything bad in my life and- ".

"it's hard to let go". the words are simple but it makes kihyun feel like it is enough, for at least. with the way yoongi turns to the ceiling and stretches, it makes kihyun feel that he isn't ready for it too.  
"you should at least meet them". he says in the silence. 

kihyun lays back and lets his hair blind him once more. "nothing will happen if i don't meet your friends yoongi. but do me a favor, hm?". 

yoongi sounds closer, and for the first time since the conversation had started amusement shone through. "get you your food". 

"yes". 

"thank you yoongi. bye yoongi". he calls out, smiling into the sheets. 

he hopes that maybe the tension wouldn't be as thick as before, even if nothing has changed and the world will still go on as usual. 

it's days later that kihyun finds that it isn't as hard sitting in a room with him, even if they're not talking and doing separate things. 

yoongi is on the sofa, cross legged and working on his computer. the headphones are back on his ear and he's going through the sake meoldy again and again, his loose tee curling around his hand like paws and sweatpants tickling his feet. 

kihyun stares at him, the news on the TV working as the perfect excuse as he tries to see him. at least in the shop keeper tells him she does with her customers, reading too much into a wrinkle and dimple crossing over their face. seeing and noticing the way the person has changed in the past and how much kihyun would like it say the practice is a bit too creepy, he finds himself doing it. 

a flush creeps in but he's too invested into yoongi's frown. his past friend looks the same, yet different. there are lines on the frowning face which weren't there before and he's matured so much. he cleans his own plate and it shouldn't be this big of a thing but it is. 

he remembers yoongi in his kitchen, leaning with his knee to the kitchen counters pushing and charming him to wash his plate too. laughing and poking at his side and pushing the plate too near his nose to be not surprise him. 

yoongi sighs and he blinks and picture he had drawn in his head vanishes like a cloud of smoke. "i need a breather". he tells him. "i'll came back in a little while, okay?". 

he hums. "okay. stay safe". 

the laptop goes back into its bag and yoongi leaves his headphones on top of it. kihyun goes back to watching the news, the anchor going on another meaningless scandal exo-l's had pushed from thin air. 

he hears the door close and lock. 

later when the door bell rings kihyun's cooking sugar toast from the internet. it's not the healthiest but it's something he wants to eat at noon, and he's onto cutting the sides of the bread when it shakes him out of the monologue he had gotten himself in. 

it must be yoongi he thinks. it wouldn't be the first time his roommate had forgotten to take the keys with him and woke him up in the middle of the night because of it. 

and so it's not out of the ordinary for him to open the door without thinking, and nearly closing the door back around is a new one.

the stranger had rung the doorbell, a tall stranger with dimples and a amused smile. he finds himself flushing and rising himself to his full height to look up at him. 

"... is yoongi home?". he says through his twitching smile. 

kihyun suddenly might be able to get away with closing the door with a simple no, but the man dressed formally and is holding something behind his back - and what if it's one of yoongi's bosses, here for some business or the other?  
he finally settles for a simple answer. better to get everything through and make the guy leave. "he's at work. do you need me to tell him something for you? ". 

he closes the door halfway, to make some kind of barrier with the guy whose smile refuses to flicker away to a polite one kihyun's supporting. 

the stranger lurches a step forward at the door, his smile falling apart as his eyes flashes with panic. "no no, i just wanted to - hey so this might seem a bit weird but are you kihyun? ". 

the world is fucking with him, isn't it? "maybe". are you one of yoongi's friends?". 

he really hopes he isn't one of yoongi's, especially not the one who had visited last time but the voice was suddenly familiar. 

" yes. i'm kim namjoon". the stranger introduced, his smile finally falling into the polite category. "i came to return his books to him". 

"oh". the silence falls and kihyun's eyes drop to the bag kim namjoon has now in plain view. but he doesn't extend it, shuffling his feet when kihyun looks at questioningly. 

kim namjoon looks sheepish, like waiting for something and when kihyun looks at him lost, he gives up and sighs. "i need to talk to him too". 

it takes an embarrassingly too long of a second for him to understand what it meant, after all how he was supposed to know his friend wanted to wait for yoongi inside of all places. and it has been far too long since someone has ever visited him. 

he has half a mind to tell him to wait outside but he brings a frowning yoongi into his mind, with scrunched eyebrows and a frustrated curl to his lips. he swallows and brightens his smile. he hopes he knows how forced his smile is. "... would you like to come in? i was just trying a new recipe". 

at this the man grins, his dimples in full view. "ah yes, i would. thank you". 

kiyun pushes the door open wider, letting kim namjoon take the intentive to go in first. he closes and leaves and locks before following him back. he has a message to write. 

he finds namjoon comfortable in the kitchen, pulling himself a stool out for himself. it's a strange sight but then he must have come here a lot more but it makes him still feel a bit unnerved. 

if he didn't know any better he'll say that kim namjoon was trying something with him. 

"yoongi talks a lot about you". he suddenly says when kihyun has already messages and went back to his cooking, feeling the other's eyes directed at him. 

"really". he says as a answer. yoongi had already told him that secret and he wonders if he is really trying to check something with him. "if you're already comfortable, you may as well make some coffee for us?". 

he's glad when the man does ad he's as he'd, agreeing quickly and pulling things like he already knows this place. it's a bit weird but then now he's sure that kim namjoon is doing something and that's probably not something he wants him to check. 

he doesn't stop him though. he'll working with a frying pan now and if the hot frying pan ends up hurting the man, he wouldn't brush it away ever if he's lucky. 

and then yoongi would kill him and he'll have to return to that creepy neighbor and his see shore room slash apartment. 

god, he was being so pathic right now. 

kim namjoon is pouring the coffee when he speaks. kihyun had kindly pointed out to him that he isn't one to skip the milk and the hefty amounts of sugar. it gives a weird thrill to see yoongi's friends, even if that's that rfuewt thing he might do to a guest. 

"hmm. it's mainly how you're faring in seoul and stuff. i can show you around if you're uncomfortable with yoongi". 

he smiles, shaking his head. what was the man playing at? "no it's- seoul is too big for a person like me, that's all". please lay off now. 

the stranger pushes a filled mug towards him, and he hopes it is his one and kim namjoon is pranking him now. "it can be a bit daunting for a few months but once you get used to it, it's quite lovely living here". was he trying to be give him advise? 

"you're not from seoul". 

"no". he agrees. "i'm from illsan actually. i befriended yoongi due to this too, you know. he was nervous when he had first moved here too, if i makes it easier for you". 

"well he should be nervous and no, it doesn't really change anything for me. thank you for the offer though". 

it's that then yoongi returns and kihyun leaves as quickly as he could, even if yoongi grabs him as he's leaving, his fingers cold on his arm and gaze searching. "i should go sleep". he's says as an excuse. he's eyes flicker to kim namjoon whose watching him with a calculating expression. he turns back to yoongi. "i'm still following the village". 

he was running there was no doubt and thean was weird and kihyun definitely didn't know what he was playing at with him. it unsettled him and he didn't feel that emotion this quickly. 

what was with city people, being stranger and stranger?

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked this and yeah, bye  
> also i have failed you my namjoon.


End file.
